Nashville

For those of you that were looking for me over the past few days, I apologize for not being around, but I had to go to Nashville. I was presenting my research there at the 2005 Annual Meeting of the American Society for Bone and Mineral Research. This was my first time in a "red state," so it was an adventure to be sure. So, for all interested - strap in because it's gonna be a hella long entry I reckon!

September 23 - The Opulence of Opryland

The conference was held at the Gaylord Opryland resort in Nashville. I know, try not to laugh, but that's what it's called. Apparently Gaylord was some wealthy guy. Steve T tried looking him up on the web, but details were hard to find. At any rate, the hotel is a resort to be sure. It's a fully enclosed mini-world with forests and waterfalls about (again, this is all indoors - think BioDome). This was all a bit much, but it was infinitely better than the country music singers awaiting me after getting off the plane and the shuttle bus driver that decided we should all listen to some sort of Bible-thumping fundamentalist...I don't even know what it was.

The highlight of the first day was getting to see the Vine Lady who strolled around the shopping area with a myriad of suggestive poses. I decided to take a picture of her and when I did, she mounted a nearby lamp post and proceeded to caress it, well, intimately. Apparently the lamp post wasn't doing it for her, so she approached me (email me if you want the 128 MB video file) and, well yeah, she wanted to lick me.

September 24 - Wild Ride

What's great about the ASBMR meeting is that it's backed by a lot of money. You've got exhibitors pushing all kinds of expensive drugs and equipment to counter osteoporosis. To entice you they give away free stuff like cookies, frozen yougurt, smoothies, ice cream, engraved pens, and plush osteoclasts. Gotta love big Pharma! But of course, when the day ends and the exhibit hall closes, reality sets in. Chris, Steve T. and I went to Wild Horse Saloon for dinner on Saturday and the atmosphere was pretty cool, but then the line dancing started and the country music got louder and I began to miss the north something fierce.

The next stop was a little bar around the corner were Chris, Steve T. and I had some drinks. Soon after our arrival the bar owner asked if we could condense ourselves to accomomdate a "party." The party soon arrived and it seemed to be headed by a brunette. She had a bulky guy who looked like Mr. Clean with her and he dimmed the lights around her. Chris and Steve T. suspected the brunette was famous. I was too sick from the country music to notice. Chris then suggested I take a picture of her so we could look her up on the web. Well, that attempt failed (see Mr. Clean's intervention behind Chris). Chris then decided to be direct with him and it turns out he's super nice (and one of her guitar players). He told us the brunette was Gretchen Wilson. Gretchen currently has the #2 country song in the nation. It turns out, though, that's Gretchen is, in addition to being a red-neck, a bitch. She refused to allow picture taking or to give autographs even to two guys heading out to Iraq the following day. Still, when she saw me trying to snap pictures of her, she gave me a long, deep smile and, well yeah, she wanted to lick me.

September 25 - The General Jackson

The highlight of Sunday night was a social event on the General Jackson showboat. Basically all the science geeks from the conference get on a big paddle boat and set sail for a couple of hours on the Mississippi. The key aspects of this event are the open bar and the god-awful dancing. Much to my dismay the open bar consisted of only beer. My attempts to swindle some vodka out of the bartenders failed and even Captain Morgan wouldn't give it up for me (rare indeed). So, I was forced to drink soda all night long.

Sadly, some of the most enjoyable experiences on the General must not be spoken of here as they may incriminate me and affect my career. Nevertheless, it was great to see Bob rockin' it on the dance floor and even the chair of my supervisory committee, Sandy Masur, was there. Towards the end of the night I was snapping some pictures and this girl (see right, the younger one) came over to me and said, "That's right. Now's the time to take those incriminating pictures of people you work with!" I turned to see her adjusting her camera phone to take a picture of me. Startled, I responded, "But you don't even know me!" She snapped the picture anyway, so, well yeah, she wanted to lick me.

September 26 - Poster Session

Monday was my "big day" as I present my research in the form of two posters. The downside to this was that I was standing in an exhibit hall for three hours. By this time I had also developed a cold. At first I thought I was just allergic to Nashville, or the south, or Big Pharma, but it got pretty rough and I'm still not fully better. The reason for my illness I'm sure is because of the wacked out climate control in the Opryland. Some rooms were down-right freezing and then you head outside and it's 80 degrees. Recipe for disaster my friends, recipe for disaster. At any rate, there was a lot of positive feedback on my posters, mainly from attractive females who...yup, wanted to lick me.

Hope you all enjoyed my summary. The next stop is Boston, MA with Triple G. this Friday.